Nothing Much Changes...

Uncle Joe: I haven't been to church since I was a boy and I can guarantee you nothing has changed.
Connie: Oh, come on.
Uncle Joe: I'll prove it to you. The first thing that happens when you get there is someone greets you- grabs your hand and nearly shakes it off. Am I right?
Connie: Well, that's pretty obvious.
Uncle Joe: Alright, then you go in and sit. And they start off with a few announcements about brother so-and-so's gall bladder, and sister such-and-such's rheumatism...
Connie: She has arthritis actually.
Uncle Joe: Mmmhmm. And next the music man rises and directs two or three melodies everyone mouths the words to, which is followed by a prayer, which is followed by more lip-syncing.
Connie: Nobody lip-syncs!
Uncle Joe: Nobody 'cept the choir. And if they aren't then they're squeaking out a ditty nobody could understand even if they wanted to.
Connie: *sigh*
Uncle Joe: Oh, then comes my favorite part: the collection of the money.
Connie: We do not collect the money then! ...we do it later.
Uncle Joe: Oh, I though so. But once all this is done we finally get to the headliner. Pastor Fire-and-Brimstone steps up and reminds us of what wretched creatures we are...
Connie: Uncle Joe!
Uncle Joe: ...once a month or so he'll invite folks to come forward, but the rest of the time he just wraps up with another little ditty or a closing prayer to catch what we missed the first time around.
Connie: Uncle Joe...
Uncle Joe: Then everybody shakes your hand off again and they all go out front and smoke cigarettes.
Connie: Nobody smokes!
Uncle Joe: Well, that's one thing that's changed.
-Adventures in Odyssey, episode 151: . . . The Last Shall Be First